Why a Messy House is NOT a Happy House

This blog post may be one that some will disagree with. I am sure that it will offend some people based on other articles that I have seen circulating of an opposite nature.

But, I feel that it's important to give an alternative opinion.

There are many popular quotes that have to do with having a messy house:

• "A messy house is a happy house."
• "Good moms have sticky floors, messy kitchens, laundry piles, dirty ovens & happy kids."
• "A clean house is a sign of a wasted life."

There was an article that I read recently about what a "normal" house looks like. Now, while I understand that  "normal" house is a lived in house, I felt that it glorified having a messy house as though it was a badge of honor.

I told my 9 year old son about this blog post and read him the quotations. When he heard the quotation, "A messy is a happy house" he said "That should be a fact that a messy house is not a happy house. When you're done cleaning, you can still hang out with your kids. Plus, you don't have to clean every second."

I have had friends in my life make comments similar to these quotations. They have said things like, "I would rather spend time with my kids and have a messy house than spend time cleaning."

I disagree. I would rather be a good Mom and spend time with my kids AND have a clean house.

Now, this is not to say that my house is always clean. In fact, it gets messy every single day and is a constant battle to keep clean. Laundry piles up and floors get sticky.

But, I don't think a messy house is a "happy" house. And, I don't think that having sticky floors, messy kitchens and laundry piles is what makes you have happy kids and makes you a good Mom.

In a way, I think it is insulting to insinuate that spending time cleaning your house takes away from being a good parent.

Before I was a parent, I was quite a slob. Growing up, I lived in a tiny house that was over 100 years old. My Mom was a single parent for several years and myself and my siblings always had friends over filling up the house. My Mom even let those who needed a place to stay live with us, and so we usually had at least one extra person living at our place.

By the time I was in elementary school, we had a house full of teenagers that were dirtying dishes, leaving their clothes and junk everywhere and were too busy having fun to do chores. Along with that, our house was very small.

Growing up, I did have friends over, but I was a bit embarrassed of our house. I went to other friends houses that had stay at home Mom's and clean, orderly newer houses. Those were the kinds of homes where the kids were used to homemade bread when they got home from school and making their bed in the morning.

I had a fantastic childhood and I would not trade my family for the world. But, when I became a parent, it became more important to me to have a nice, clean place for my son to grow up in. I never wanted him to be embarrassed to have friends over.

I'll admit, that when I was in college, I was still a pretty big slob. Messiness didn't really bother me that much and I was too busy with other things to stress about cleaning. I liked the beauty of a clean space, but had not discovered the mental health benefits.

Over time, I have moved to the other side of the spectrum. Though I am still lazy at times, messiness stresses me out. I appreciate the zen, therapeutic feeling of a clean and organized space. I take pride in my home and in having a space that my son can feel comfortable in and enjoy his childhood in.

I also strive to teach him about organizing and cleaning so that he carries on good habits when he grows up and has a place of his own.

I understand that what is important is our children and the relationships that we have with them. My Mother was a fantastic Mother who baked cookies, sang to us and taught us so many great life principles that we have carried on to share with our children.

But, to me, a messy house does not make a happy home. You can have a clean house and have an unhappy home and you can have a clean house and have a happy home. Working towards having a home that I can be proud of and feel relaxed in is part of what I do to be a good parent.

Some parents don't prioritize cleanliness or order as an attribute that makes a happy home and that's okay. To each their own. But, children don't have the option of the house that they grow up in. 

And, I don't agree that a clean house is a sign of a wasted or unhappy life.

Epic Blanket Fort Party

It started with a dream. For the past several years, my husband Brian and I had joked about having a party and building the blanket fort of all blanket forts. We'd brushed it off as a childish notion that would never become a reality. It sounded like a lot of work.

Until now. We had planned on having a New Year's Eve party. A typical party where you dress up and have hors d'oeuvres. But, we ended up having to cancel. Brian's birthday was coming up in January and so I asked him if we should throw a blanket fort party. We wondered, "If we had one, would any of our friends actually come?"

It started off as a joke, but the more we talked about it the more we thought we should do it. And, once we get a crazy idea, it usually just snowballs from there.

Brian started contemplating the fort construction. We did not want it to be a traditional low lying fort. It had to be epic. It also had to be sturdy. I started talking about what types of food and games we should have at the party.

First, we went to the fabric store. We knew that we wouldn't be able to pull it off with blankets and so we decided to get a ton of fabric that was $1 or less a yard. On the first trip, we got around 50 yards, but he had to go back to the store after we did a trial run to get 25 more yards.

Brian came up with the system for assembling the fort by anchoring it into the studs in the wall and using clothesline. He had to modify it a few times during our trial run to reduce drooping and also anchored it to the ceiling.

We did a "trial run" the weekend before to make sure that the method for assembly worked.

This is the first run when Brian decided that we needed to anchor it to the ceiling also to make it higher.

He built a wood piece to go around the chandelier in the dining room and lowered the chandelier so that it would hang down into the fort. Awesome idea.

Our son Evan had fun during the assembly process and got to sleep in a test fort with his friend.

Once we had the method down, it was all about the final execution. We'd already thought about all of the details for the food, games and setup. The party was on Saturday and we assembled the fort on Thursday. It took about 5 hours to get it setup.

This is our living room after the fort is setup. The middle was over 6 feet so you could stand in it.

We had planned to extend the fort in our hallway and part of the kitchen. But, with two full rooms, we ran out of fabric and had to improvise with sheets, tablecloths and pillowcases to extend the fort down the sides. We decided to scratch the idea of extending the fort out into the other areas to be able to have enough pillows and blankets to make the existing fort as awesome as possible.

I was most excited about setting up the inside of the fort with pillows and blankets. We added Christmas lights for ambiance and planned to have a fire in the fireplace. The dining room was completely covered with pillows.

The menu for the party included a selection of favorite "kid's" foods: Kraft mac & cheese, pigs in a blanket, dinosaur chicken nuggets, pizza rolls, smily face fries, goldfish crackers, pb & j with the crusts cut off, teddy grahams, pudding snack packs, funfetti cake and an assortment of sugary candy. We tried to make jello jigglers, but they didn't turn out.

We made a "koolaid" type punch with fruit punch and rum and drank out of cups with bendy straws.

We chose some classic childhood games and a 64 pack of crayons and coloring books.

Of coarse, at a blanket fort party, everyone must wear pajamas. There were some pretty awesome pajamas sported at the party that I neglected to get good pictures of. From, footie pajamas, to zombie slippers to Batman legging type pants that were extremely small (on one of our guy friends).

The "pillow room" was the gaming area. We setup our friend's Super Nintendo and played Mario and other games.

The living room was the spot for activities like coloring, playing games and girl's gossiping about going to second base. We planned to play the movie "Big" on the TV, but had trouble with the Roku.

Later in the night, the games got more grown-up as we played Cards Against Humanity.

Our friend Tony brought a classic game, "Double Dare."

It was definitely a party to remember. I'm glad we have friends who are kids at heart and could enjoy the fun.

One of my favorite parts was seeing everyone's surprise and reactions when they arrived and stepped inside the fort. Some of them seemed to have a childlike gleam in their eyes when they saw the fort.

It was fun to get to relax in our pajamas and go back to our childhood for the night.

After all of the work of assembling it, I'm not ready to take it down immediately. I'm taking bets on how long it stays up before we take it down. It's assembled in the two rooms we don't really use much as we have another family room.

Last night, Brian and I slept in the fort in the pillow room. It was around 2:30 a.m. when we finally went to bed. We were so tired, we didn't even make it to second base. It was the perfect end to the night.

10 Ideas to Beat the Winter Blahs

Most everyone suffers from some form of the "winter blahs."

From feeling like going into full hibernation, to having a decrease in energy, the winter blahs are very real.

As someone who thrives during the sunny, summer months, I dread winter. I love to be outdoors and I am not a fan of the cold.

The holidays are fun, and the fluffy snow stuff is pretty. But, once the holidays are over, I am ready for spring.

So, this blog post is dedicated to helping beat the winter blahs. Here are ten ideas for surviving winter and making the best of it.

1. Savor the Simple "Winter" Things

Yes, winter sucks. But, there are some things that are kind of nice about it. Try to focus on enjoying some of the things you like about it. Comfy pajamas, hot tea/coffee, snuggling up with a book or movie, skiing and sledding, not having to be so worried about pedicures or shaving your legs everyday... One of my favorite "winter" things is sitting outside in a hot tub when it's cold out.

2. Something to Look Forward to

One of the best ways to help beat the winter blahs is to have something to look forward to. Plan a vacation or a party. Whatever it might be, it's a pick me up to anticipate the good things coming. We often take vacation in the spring. Fantasizing about lying on the beach helps winter not suck so much.

3. Light Therapy

One of the main reasons for the winter blahs is lack of sunlight. Light therapy is said to help seasonal depression and increase energy. I recently ordered a "Happy Light" which is a desk light that emits a brighter light. Get as much light as you can. Even driving or sitting by the window when the sun is shining is a mood booster.

4. Get Some Fresh Air

Get outside and get some fresh air when you can. Even if it is just for a few minutes. I try to find whatever excuses I can to go outside, even just to check the mail and take the garbage out. On the not so cold days of winter, take your pets for a walk or take advantage of the mild temperatures.

5. Force Yourself to Get Out of the House and Socialize

Force yourself to get out of the house and socialize, even if you don't feel like it. Plan to go for coffee or a drink with a friend. Go to a movie. Attend a networking group activity. Once you get out, you'll feel better.

6. Take a Class or Practice a Hobby

The winter is a great time to take a class or work on a hobby or other projects. Take up pottery or painting. Always wanted to learn how to knit? Bake? Learn a new language? Spend time working on it during the slower winter months. You'll make your way into the warmer months with a new skill.

7. Break Out of a Rut

Brighten up your day by switching it up. Wear bright lipstick or bright clothes. Paint an accent wall in your living room. Try a new food or restaurant. Find some fun amid the dreary days of winter.

8. Focus On Your Goal-Setting

The winter months are a great time to evaluate your goals and do planning for your personal development. Take the time to examine yourself and work towards a better you.

9. Organize Your Space

Get ahead of the "spring cleaning" and organize your space during the winter months. Take on a project, or take on several. Organize your basement. Who wants to be down in your basement on a warm, sunny day? Organize your file cabinet or kitchen drawers. Clean out your closets. One of my favorite "feel good" activities is purging my closet. Once you get rid of a bunch of stuff, it will feel really good.

10. Hibernate

I often suffer from "I feel like I have to be productive all the time and can't relax" syndrome. Allow yourself to take it easy. Read a book or watch a movie. Don't beat yourself up feeling guilty for not doing enough. Winter is meant for a little bit of hibernation.

Happy Winter!

"If Winter Comes, Can Spring Be Far Behind?"

January has arrived. For much of the country, the brutal cold has as well. It feels like winter is officially here.

The holidays have passed and we have entered the coldest months of the year.

Temperatures plunging below zero and blowing snow are parts of winter that the majority of us share a blatant hatred for. 

Here in the Midwest, winter can be brutal.

As I write this post, the snow is starting to pile up outside and temperatures are forecasted to remain below zero throughout the majority of the week.

It is times like these that I think about a certain quotation, "If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant: if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome." - Anne Bradstreet

Winter is what makes summer so great. All of those days lying in the backyard on the hammock... bare toes touching the fresh, green grass... the sun on your skin.

But, here we are today in the middle of winter. Little or no sunshine... stuck inside the house... dry, itchy skin...

It is a good time to remind yourself that before you know it, winter will come to an end.

Adversity in all parts of our lives is much like winter. Though hard times are unpleasant, they are opportunities for growth that enable us to truly appreciate and recognize the blessings in our lives.

At the time, it is often difficult and almost impossible to see the positive to an undesirable situation. But, it's the hard and bad times that helps make the good times that much better.

An example is within relationships. You may not truly appreciate a healthy and positive relationship if you have never experienced an unhealthy and negative one.

Or, with your job. You may recognize that you are blessed with a great team or great benefits after previously being in a situation with a bad environment working for little pay.

I like to think of summer as our reward for enduring the winter.

It's much like the feeling after working hard all day and then getting to finally take your shoes off. Or, the feeling after putting in a full week of workouts and finding that you have come closer to your goal weight.

How great will it feel when the first spring-like day arrives? When the snow thaws and the smell of spring permeates in the air? When the birds start chirping and in their songs is a little bit of hope?

Soon, we'll be basking in the sunshine again... driving with the windows down... sipping drinks on the porch.

Until then, I'll end with another quote, "No winter lasts forever; no spring skips it's turn."- Hal Borland.

Five Keys to Creating a Vision Board

One of my favorite things to do around the New Year is update my vision board.

This year I had some new things that I wanted to add and some things that I was able to take off of my board because I have achieved them.                                                             

My previous board was on a huge poster board. A few things that I have accomplished that were on my board are: to go kayaking, have my own office and open a business.

This year, I decided to make a smaller board with fewer pictures. I wanted to make the board really focused and more specific.

I selected a few specific things that I want to achieve and work on this year. It definitely evokes a different feeling than the old board. To me, it says "action."

Some of the things on my board are: get published, see U2 on their 2015 tour, spend more time with my nieces and nephews, kayaking trips, grow my business and surround myself with positive people.

Vision boards are utilized by many successful and influential people.

The object of a vision board is to create a picture of your goals and desires. For those who consider themselves a "visual person," they can be a powerful tool. Visualization can help bring your dreams to life.

Aesthetically pleasing images and words can convey a personal message and energize and motivate you. Not only is the final product a motivating factor, but the discovery process along the way is a significant part of goal setting and creating the life that you want.       

To help you get started, here are five keys to making a vision board:

1. Create Something Meaningful for You

Anything that you choose to include on your board should speak to you. Use images that strike a chord inside of you.

A vision board is personal and individualized. The key is to create something meaningful and useful for you. You can create a board that has few pictures or many pictures.

It is important to ask yourself questions when thinking about what you want on your board. What does your ideal life look like? What's on your bucket list? What blessings do you have now that you want to see continue to blossom?

          

2. Take Your Time and Be Intentional

The most popular way to create a board is to gather a stack of magazines and flip through them to clip out any phrases or pictures that jump out at you. I encourage an alternative approach.

I find it much more useful to select my own images by gathering and printing them out. I encourage you to take some time gathering some photos that are relevant and meaningful to you. You can gather them from magazines over time, search for images online, or even use your own photographs.

It can take days or weeks to gather the pictures that you want to use for the project. I suggest creating a folder on your computer and taking time to gather images that you want to use for your board. The more thought you put into your board, the more useful it will be for you. 

Part of the power in creating a vision board is allowing yourself to think and evaluate your current self and who you want to become.

When you do gather your images, you can still pick and choose what images you would like to include in the final product. As you are putting it together, see which pictures convey the most meaning to you.

3. Incorporate Words                                                               

It can be useful to include words or quotations when creating your vision board. Words can be a beneficial tool to emphasize a principle or concept that's important to you.

Adjectives like, "success" and "gratitude" can be a clear and concise way to convey your purpose and desires. Words or phrases can help inspire you and evoke just as much emotion as a picture.

Quotations can also be great to include. Whether they are words of guidance that you live by, or quotations involving certain areas that you want to improve upon, think about what quotations might be a good to include on your board.

4. Just Do It

Quit talking about it and saying that you should create a vision board. Just create one. Take some time to let yourself dream. Think about what's important to you and what you want to achieve.

It can be an enlightening and grounding experience to create a vision board. Making one lets you tap into your artistic side. When is the last time that you have devoted your energy to dream and lay out a vision for yourself?

Making a vision board can be a lot of fun. Make the decision to try it and then just do it! Take charge of your life. Take the step to create a vision for your goals and manifest the life that you want.

5. Come Back to It Often

The purpose of a vision board is to use it as a reminder of your goals and dreams. A vision board can help be a reminder and ground you. For best results, keep your vision board where you will see it often.

Over time, you will find that there are goals that you accomplish and can take off the board. Or, there will be goals that you want to add. Then, there will be some things that will remain on your vision boards over the years.

It's good to do an assessment every so often and recreate the board when you are moved to. I find that it is beneficial to do every one to two years. Save your old boards if you can, or take photos of them. They will all tell a story of the person that you strive to be. It will feel great when you see how far you've come.

Happy visualizing!

New Year's Resolutions: Why You Should Make One

The New Year is just around the corner. The days left in the year are quickly diminishing and so you may be starting to think about resolutions for the upcoming year and reflecting on the resolutions that you made last year. 

Maybe you planned to start a workout routine and eventually fit into your old jeans. Or, maybe you resolved to be more organized. Maybe you wanted to read a book every month, or read to your kids every night.

Whatever it was that you wanted to do or do better this year, you are probably at least somewhat disappointed in yourself that you didn’t fully follow through. 

You might have worked out five days a week for the first six weeks, but then you started slacking. You might have read five books this year, but you didn’t read one every month. You might have reorganized your house and bought more shelving for your storage room, but you still had a hard time keeping it organized.

It is discouraging to look back at the past year or years and feel that you have not accomplished as much as you wish you had. You may even feel like New Year’s resolutions are bound to fail and that it is just pointless to keep making them. 

New Year’s resolutions are commonly joked about and scoffed at by some. Those who set them often start out highly motivated and determined and then quickly lose steam and “fall off the wagon.” 

You might not want to make a resolution, because if you do, it is almost a guarantee that you won’t fully succeed.

If they are worthwhile, New Year’s resolutions are challenging to stick to for good reason. They are hard to stick to for the same reason that they have been hard to stick to before making them. They are personal and important to us, though we have not been able to fully put them into practice for some reason or another. They are significant enough to be our personal focus for an entire year.

Though you may have not fully followed through, there is probably some part of your New Year’s resolution from the past year or years that made you a better person. 

Maybe you did not work out five days a week, but tried yoga for the first time and began going to a class on a couple of days a week. Maybe you did not read to your kids every night, but you read to them more than you did the year before. 

Or, perhaps it was just an overall tone that was set for the whole year. Perhaps, you tried harder to think positive, or worked on not gossiping so much about others. 

Just because you did not fully accomplish your resolution this year, does not mean that you should give up on making one for next year.

If you desire to live a fulfilling life and continuously strive to be a better version of you, it is important to set goals for yourself. New Year’s resolutions give you focus and intent for the year ahead and call attention to what you would like to improve upon. 

A popular quote from Zig Ziglar states, “People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing- that’s why we recommend it daily.”

It can be easier to set smaller goals throughout the year rather than try to narrow in on one big resolution. A good resolution can be something simple like drinking more water or making your bed every morning. A resolution is considered “good” not if you follow through, but if it involves working on something that will improve your life or the lives of others around you.

Many critics will say that New Year’s resolutions are limiting, because you should be trying to better yourself all year and not just at the time of the New Year. But, the end of the year is a great time for reflection and evaluation of your goals and desires. It is a time to think about the big picture and to pinpoint what it really is that is important to you and where you could improve upon your life for the future. 

The New Year offers a fresh start, much like a Monday, or a new day. In a way, the New Year feels like a blank slate to begin again.

So, do yourself a favor and make a resolution. 

Take some time out of your busy schedule to assess the current state of your life and to envision where you want to see yourself in the future. 

Resolve not to give up on yourself and what is important to you. Resolve to work towards a better version of you. Resolve to take this opportunity to start fresh and make this coming year better than the last.

Wishing you a Happy New Year!